Relationships and the People Around Me
The people around me influence how I think, the pace of my life and how much honesty is possible. That makes relationships a matter of choice and responsibility. I use several criteria for closeness, distinguish different circles of contact and have clear boundaries around what I will not accept.
§ 01
Criteria for my circle
RL.01-RL.05RL.01Personal agencyA person takes responsibility for their own decisions and condition. They do not shift the blame to others, adopt a permanent victim role or expect the world to rearrange itself around them.
RL.02Honesty with oneselfThe ability to describe oneself, others and a situation without pretence. Without it, neither a serious conversation nor sustained work together is possible.
RL.03The capacity to thinkBeing able to engage with complexity rather than retreat into slogans or magical explanations, and to distinguish facts, opinions and emotions. These are people with whom long-term development is possible.
RL.04A direction of one's ownThe person has their own work, interests and course in life. They do not use someone else's life as a substitute for their own.
RL.05Respect for boundariesThey understand where their space ends and mine begins. They do not expect constant emotional service from others.
§ 02
Three circles
the structure of my relationshipsC.01A close circleA small number of people with whom a high degree of honesty and sustained collaboration are possible. I consciously invest time and attention in those relationships.
C.02A working circleTeams, partners and colleagues on projects. Shared agency and a compatible level of thinking are important if the work is to produce something substantial.
C.03A wider networkAcquaintances, professional communities and occasional contacts. These connections are less close and less involved, but they can bring new relationships and ideas.
§ 03
Boundaries
what I will not acceptI do not keep chronic victimhood, emotional blackmail, manipulation or refusal to take responsibility for one's decisions in my close circle. I do not build shared work with people who cannot distinguish facts from emotions, or accept relationships that persist by destroying one of the people involved. Related themes: decision filters, Care in the eight Life OS modes, the wider environment.